A Heartbreaking Anniversary 

Today – this morning actually – is the first anniversary of our precious Callie getting her angel wings.

I’m handling it better than I expected to. Yes, it hurts like hell. Yes, I miss my girl more every day. 

But – a BIG but – she’s not suffering any more. She’s a healthy, happy soul again free of her earthly form. I’m happy for my girl. 

I’m happy to have been her mom. Happy for all the wonderful memories she gave us. Happy that she helped me raise her and her younger sisters. 

Life has not been the same, will never be the same, without our beautiful girl. But we’ve adapted, adjusted, and done our best to move forward. 

I watch Shadow during the day. She prefers to sleep in Callie’s old favorite spots – in front of the bathtub, on the one dog bed of Callie’s that wasn’t ruined during her illness, on the kitchen floor next to my chair, and right outside the bathroom door while I’m taking a shower. And she loves to play fetch and keep-away, just as Callie did. Odd that she won’t play with Callie’s stuffed toys though. I know Callie wouldn’t mind – she was always good about sharing all the toys. 

And Ducky? In her own way I’m sure she misses Callie; but she’s been playing more with Shadow. And giving Shadow good-morning kisses when I first let her out of her crate. And she’s not snarking at Shadow as much any more. I think she has figured out that Shadow is truly her best doggie friend as well as her big sister. I’m pretty sure Callie is smiling down at them both. 

I still need to dab at my leaky eyes with a tissue at times. The realization that I can’t stroke her fur or kiss her good night, watch her snuggle with Shadow, or watch her teach Ducky to mind her manners still feels like a dagger in my heart. Yet the memories of such moments make me smile, with or without tears.

Hubby said last night that “she left us too soon”. I said that “even if she had lived to be 15 and a half, like Kissy, it would have been too soon.” But she hasn’t really left us. Her earthly form is gone, but her spirit is always here with us. She watches over us. And occasionally she lets me catch a glimpse of her spirit. Somehow she lets Shadow know, too, that she is still here. I sense it at times.

13 thoughts on “A Heartbreaking Anniversary 

  1. Jodi says:

    I can’t believe it’s already been that long. It just seems like we never have enough time, do we? I’m glad you are celebrating her life, and who she was and know that although she might not be here physically, she will never really leave you.

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  2. Tails Around the Ranch says:

    The anniversaries are the hardest to endure when we’re missing our sweet fur-kids. It never is an easy day but you do find comfort in knowing their suffering is no longer and for that reason alone, we can smile. Sending digital hugs your way. ღ

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  3. Sue says:

    Sending you tons of virtual hugs. It simply never is enough time. Jeffie has been gone for almost 10 months now and Rudy and Rosie have just begun to play with “his” toys. Rudy especially still misses him. And, of course, I do, too, even though, like you, I feel he’s still with me.

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  4. Jan K says:

    (((BIG HUGS))) I know what a tough day this has to be for you and your family, Sue. I’m glad you can find happiness in memories of Callie, and most of all that you can feel her spirit with you, where it will always be.
    Life does go on, even if it has a huge gaping hole in it, and it sounds like you are all adapting – and I know Callie is happy for that. ♥♥♥

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  5. easyweimaraner says:

    it’s always too soon… they deserved to live forever for all the love and the wonderful moments we had together. Hugs to you, I feel the same always when this day is close… Easy was born the same night after we lost Frosty.. so it is always bittersweet… but I will take it as a sign that Easy entered this world the same night as we were smashed on the ground…

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